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Through my time in the workplace, I have had the joy of making up original accounting jokes. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have enjoyed writing them!
- HC -
- Why did the balance sheet break up with the income statement?
Answer:
Because he was at a loss
2. Why did the asset have such poor health?
Answer:
Because it was double declining
3. Why was the income statement such a poor teacher?
Answer:
Because her lectures weren’t comprehensive
4. What do you call bonds that find Jesus Christ?
Answer:
Convertible bonds
5. Why couldn’t Bradley Cooper become an accountant?
Answer:
Because his hair was too distracting
6. What is the government’s favorite balance sheet account?
Answer:
Taxes Receivable
7. What is the government’s least favorite balance sheet account?
Answer:
Allowance for uncollectable taxes
8. What financial institution did the frog go to?
Answer:
The riverbank
9. Why did the auditor have so many wives?
Answer:
Because every week he was working on a new engagement
10. Why did the balance sheet break up with the income statement?
Answer:
Because he was too negative
11. Why didn’t the accountant’s granny approve of his career choice?
Answer:
Because he made aging schedules to keep track of both AP and his granny’s age.
12. How far do financial statements run?
Answer:
10k, once a year
13. What do broke, jobless investors do?
Answer:
They open brokerages
14. Why was revenue jealous of governmental revenue?
Answer:
Because she got special recognition
15. How did the accountant know his girlfriend was cheap?
Answer:
Because she invoiced him after each date
16. What do you call it when the cash account acts childish
Answer:
Petty cash
17. Why are available for sale securities such good golfers?
Answer:
Because they are always on par
18. Why are accountants such hard workers?
Answer:
Because they work their assets off
(Credit for this joke goes to my good friend Caitlin J from college)
19. What did the tickmark name his son?
Answer:
Tie
20. Why did the accountant try to marry uncle Sam?
Answer:
To see if he could raise her debt limit
21. Why did the governmental accountant regret having kids?
Answer:
Because now accounts receivable and her kids were both delinquent
22. Why was the accountant so afraid his girlfriend would leave him?
Answer:
Because he was worried she was a going concern
23. How does an income statement dance?
Answer:
He does the single step
24. Why was the bond so depressed?
Answer:
Because he didn’t have much interest in life
25. When did the stock option get into shape?
Answer:
When he became exercisable
26. Are auditors such supportive boyfriends?
Answer:
Because they are very assuring
27. Why do auditors have the lowest divorce rates?
Answer:
Because they specialize in risk analysis
28. How did the income statement know the balance sheet was a good husband?
Answer:
Because he had goodwill
29. How do you account for an Ex girlfriend on a balance sheet?
Answer:
As a short term investment
30. What do stock options wear in the winter?
Answer:
Vests
31. How did the cash account for moving to another country?
Answer:
As a foreign currency adjustment
32. Why do intangible assets have bad eyesight?
Answer:
Because they are impaired
33. How much did the stocks pay in alimony?
Answer:
A fair value
34. Why did Susan have confidence issues?
Answer:
Because she married an auditor
35. How do would an accountant describe a successful marriage?
Answer:
As return on investment
36. Why was the held to maturity security jealous of the trading security?
Answer:
Because he was not measured at a fair value
37. What reality tv show do stock options watch?
Answer:
Wife swap
38. Why was the auditor an atheist?
Answer:
Because God doesn’t return confirmations
39. Why do women always fall for auditors?
Answer:
Because they exercise due care
40. Why did the accountant and his wife only have one kid?
Answer:
To maintain a controlling interest
41. How did fixed assets account for a death in the family?
Answer:
As a disposal
42. What do you call it when a stock gets divorced?
Answer:
A stock split
43. How did the stock option get out of jail?
Answer:
He called the bond
44. How do you account for an intoxicated asset?
Answer:
As impaired
45. What financial instruments do professional shoppers invest in?
Answer:
Coupon bonds
46. How do the financial statements declutter?
Answer:
They consolidate
47. Where do accountants adopt their pets?
Answer:
The AICPA
48. How do you account for a divorce on an income statement?
Answer:
As a loss from discontinued operations
49. Why did the contract feel like no one noticed him?
Answer:
Because no one gave him any consideration
50. How did the accountants decide to kick their kids out of the house?
Answer:
First in first out
51. How do you account for marrying a model?
Answer:
As a significant financing event
52. How do you date an auditor?
Answer:
You provide reasonable assurance
53. How did the accountant know when her husband started committing fraud?
Answer:
He stopped wearing sox
54. Why can’t auditors stay married?
Answer:
They always read their wive’s journals
55. How did the balance sheet ask the income statement to marry him?
Answer:
He said, “Will you consolidate with me?”
56. What do you call a check that stands in the rain and holds an umbrella for you?
Answer:
An outstanding check
57. Why do auditors like cats better than dogs?
Answer:
Because cats follow the independence principle
58. Why did deferred revenue feel like he was a burden to everyone around him?
Answer:
Because he was a liability
59. How do you know when auditors are performing cutoff testing?
Answer:
When they come to work in sleeveless shirts
60. Why did revenue have a big ego?
Answer:
Because he was always recognized
61. How did the cop catch the stock option?
Answer:
He issued a stock warrant
62. Why did the auditor break up with her boyfriend?
Answer:
Because her opinion was adverse
63. Why are accountants always on diets?
Answer:
Because they are constantly watching their figures
(Credit for this joke goes entirely to my good friend Gage D)
64. How do you account for a selfie on a balance sheet?
Answer:
At face value
65. Why was the income statement so shy?
Answer:
Because he was at a loss for words
66. Why do people always tell John that he doesn’t look like an accountant?
Answer:
Because he still has hair
67. What happened when the NFP gave its expenses coffee?
Answer:
They became functional
(Credit for this joke goes to my friend and former co-worker Hayle B)
68. How do auditors give their kids feedback?
Answer:
They issue compliance reports
69. How would the inventory account describe marriage
Answer:
As a lifetime guarantee
70. Why are twins such good accountants?
Answer:
Because they follow the matching principle
71. How does an accountant account for losing his hair?
Answer:
As depletion expense – the expensing of a natural resource
72. Why was the balance sheet going through a rough patch in life?
Answer:
Because he was undergoing a troubled debt restructuring
73. What do you call inventory after a divorce?
Answer:
Finished goods
74. Why did the auditor leave the party?
Answer:
Because he had GAAS
(Credit for this joke goes to my friend from college Kierston)
75. Why did the auditor have so many wives?
Because every week he was working on a new engagement
76. Why didn’t the asset retire?
He wanted to extend his useful life?
77. Why did the inventory fire his grandfather?
He was concerned about obsolescence
78. How did the accountant know his wife was his soul mate?
Because she was an extraordinary item (unusual in nature and infrequent in occurrance)
79. How do you account for having kids?
As accruing liabilities
80. What do you call a check that stands in the rain and holds an umbrella for you?
An Outstanding check
81. How did the auditor get married?
He sent an engagement letter
82. How do you classify teenagers on a balance sheet?
As work-in-process
83. Why don’t governmental accountants own Tesla cars?
Because they never run out of GAAS
84. What do you call it when a balance sheet and income statement start dating?
A trial balance
85. What do you call it when revenue starts procrastinating?
Deferred revenue
86. Where do accountants shop?
The GAAP
87. How did the cash account describe his experience moving to another country?
As a foreign currency adjustment
88. When did the blind tax accountant miraculously regain his vision?
When he filed a schedule C
89. How did the auditor get sober?
He entered an audit program
90. Why did the inventory feel like something was missing in life?
Because he was WIP
91. Why don’t stock options get cold?
Because always end up vesting
92. Why doesn’t the economy ever get bored?
Because it lives a stimulating life
93. Why did the auditor have trust issues?
Because he questioned everything
94. What do you call it when accrual accounting improves its behavior?
Modified accrual
95. Why are precious metals so religious?
Because they are easily convertible
96. Why was the stock such a responsible driver?
Because he was good at yielding
97. How do you call expenses that gain weight?
As inflation
98. What did the modern monetary theory economist name his kid?
Phillip
99. Why are Keynsian economists always so happy?
Because they are always laffing
100. How do futures dance when on vacation in Mexico?
Contango
101. What did the federal reserve name its kid?
FRED
102. Why was the inventory such a restless sleeper?
Because he had high turnover
103. Who do accountants go to for wisdom?
The Oracle
104. Why are accountants known to open doors for people?
Because they are constantly making entries
105. Why did the AP accountant hate courting?
Because he always paid
106. Why did the purchase order smell so bad?
Because he had a bad case of PO
107. What do financial statements drink during period close?
Cranberry Juice
108. Why are recons so cynical?
Because they always focus on the cons not the pros
109. How do you describe a wierd auditor?
As quite aud
110. What do you call costs that get neutered?
Fixed costs
111. What do you call a cash account that works hard?
Working capital
112. Where do financial accounts go when they need a hug?
The holding account
113. Why was excel such a good cook?
Because he had a secret formula
114. Why was the raw materials such a good conversationalist?
Because he always provided his input
115. How do you account for lonely equipment?
As standalone
116. How did the cash account decide where to move?
He called the movement acount
117. Who do accountants go to for wisdom?
The Oracle
118. What do you call a cash account who is planning his vacation?
Capital planning
119. How do you account for inventory that moves across the country?
As moving average
120. What do you call capital that has good handwriting?
Pension funds
121. Why didn’t the income statement like butter ?
Because it had gross margin
122. How do accountants account for excessive spending on Amazon?
As prime costs
123. What do you call costs that have an epiphany?
Realized costs
124. What do you call bossy accountants?
Managerial accountants
125. How do cost accountants account for their skiing expenses?
As activity-based costs
126. What do you call a dependable account?
A trust fund
127. How do you account for a governmental accountant who wins a cash prize on a game show?
As an enterprize fund
128. How do internet providers account for their income?
As net income
129. Why do accountants have a hard time staying positive?
Because they have a past focus
130. What do you call costs working towards a goal?
Committed costs
131. What do fixed assets wear when it’s sunny outside?
Caps
132. How do you describe a cash account that solves problems?
Solvent
133. Why was the debt such a good artist?
Because he loved drawing
134. How do financial statements take notes?
With their foot
135. What do you call it when the police put a fund under arrest?
Restricted funds
136. What do you call a fund that goes into the military?
A general fund
137. How does other comprehensive income fall in love?
It accumulates
138. Why did the stock constantly crash his car?
Because he never yielded
139. Why was the inventory a workaholic?
Because he was perpetual
140. Why was the inventory so detailed?
Because he used specific identification
141. What financial instruments are most likely to become fortune tellers?
Futures
142. Why did the cash go to the bathroom so much?
Because he was highly liquid
143. Why was the long term debt depressed?
Because he never lived in the moment
144. Why are stocks so fun to be around?
Because they are extremely fungible
145. How do financial statements make purchases when they don’t have cash on hand?
They use their EBIT card
146. What insurance provider do stocks use?
Tripple A
147. How do you frustrate a stock?
You ticker off
148. How does a stock ship a package?
He goes to EPS
149. How do assets write?
In caps
150. Why are accountants so threatening?
Because they always hit their targets
151. Why couldn’t the account pull the sword out of the rock?
Because he couldn’t budget
152. Why don’t treasury analysts watch the weather?
Because they do their own forecasting
153. What did the asset call his ex girlfriend?
Capex
154. What agency did the auditor work for?
The CIA
155. Why was the corporation so inclusive?
Because it excelled at incorporating
156. Why did the contract dream of becoming an actress?
Because she had performance obligations
157. Why did the fixed costs get divorced?
Because they never changed
158. Why do auditors wear long dresses?
Because they believe in the convervatism principle
159. Why did depreciation like fast cars?
Because he was accelerated
160. Why couldn’t the loan get laid?
Because he was a-loan
161. What do you call very tall costs?
Overhead
162. Where do financial accounts vacation?
Offshore
163. Why wasn’t the inventory ever late for a date?
Because he was just in time
164. What do you call a bank account that writes too much?
An overdraft
165. How did the cop arrest the inventory account?
He told him to turnover
166. What do you call cash that lives in the moment?
Currency
167. What do you call a savings account that likes music?
A CD
168. Why couldn’t the cost account swim?
Because he had sunk costs
169. Why was the interest rate so productive?
Because he was effective
170. What type of accounting do pirates pursue?
Treasury accounting
171. What do you call an interest rate on its deathbed?
A terminal rate
172. What type of interest rates shop on amazon?
Prime rates
173. Where do stocks go shopping?
At the market
174. How do bankers gossip?
They write banknotes
175. What do you call funds that have feelings for eachother?
Mutual funds
176. How do financial accounts work out their personal problems?
They reconcile
177. Why are stocks such good friends?
Because they always share
178. Why wouldn’t the profit eat his carrot cake?
Because it was gross
180. Why didn’t the price sleep in a bed?
Because preferred the floor
181. When do options do gymnastics?
When they rollover
182. Why are tellers really good at basketball?
Because they can really bank it